Trigger Warning

So I visited NHS yesterday after school, and needless to say, it was amazing to re-connect with teachers and friends .. Something i wasn’t expecting happened also happened …. To sum it up, I wasn’t given a trigger warning before my most painful memory of high school was brought up by my teacher … No it wasn’t a shady thing; No, nothing was dark or immoral … If you didn’t know me in my high school freshmen year, then you don’t know about this ……. … So … I am writing about this experience ….because I know if I face it and let it out, I’ll be able to grow … That’s what God has been saying to me …… So here we go …

In the Thanksgiving of 2011, which is the fall of my high school freshmen year … I got really ill …. like super ill … Actually ‘ill’ is an understatement … I was dying … My heart rate was at 119: a number that I will never forget … There were dark spots from my fMRI scan …. Doctors at St. John said, “Well … We aren’t sure if this is cancer …. Our equipment is outdated, so you are to be given a chance to be transferred to either UofM’s hospital or the Detroit Medical Center ……” My dad, without hesitation, claimed a spot at C.S. Mott Children’s hospital …. and that was my first experience with the university I currently attend…..I first encountered the University of Michigan through being a patient and dying at its children’s hospital …. like seriously, this is still the biggest “what the fuck” moment in my life so far …

When my high school Japanese teacher told me that her initial impression of me was that of cuteness and fragility…When the high school Spanish teacher, whom I never had as a teacher, still remembers both my face and name from helping my Japanese teacher wheel me into the elevator in 9th grade …… when my Japanese teacher proudly formally introduced me to her …. When she said they’ve been talking about me throughout these years … A lot of memories, good and bad, ugly and pretty, rushed into me …….

So I’m gonna start with the ugly to get it over with the fastest …. A lot of bullies from high school …. These jerky boys who had nothing to do were bothering the hell out of me … They questioned the truthfulness of my illness and was spreading rumors that I am able to walk but is just choosing to stay on a wheelchair to get attention …. I got really indignant over those comments because back then, I cared about the wrong stuff .. I cared about other people’s shitty comments toward me … It wasn’t until knowing God had I known that nobody’s comments matters besides mine, so hallelujah for that !! Needless to say, not being able to walk was painful, too … Having to be in a wheelchair and get pushed around actually made me less human-like; I felt like a tool instead of a human-being …….

Butttt, there are bads and goods to everything, so I’m gonna move on to the good things !! The harsh comments from the bullies actually motivated me to practice walking, and in 2 weeks I was out of the wheelchair !!! Woah !!! What a miracle !!!! It was near the Christmas break of my high school freshman year, and by then, i was able to walk, although very shakily !! I was so freaking gosh darn proud of myself !!!! Another one of the good things is that a lot of people around me, including my Japanese teacher: Mrs. Rosen, the Spanish teacher that I never had as an instructor: Ms. Schaefer and every faculty and staff at Novi, aided me in not only getting around but cared for my mental issues as well ….. The most important lesson though, is God’s love. It was on the hospital bed of C.S. Mott’s had I prayed to God for the first time … At that time I wasn’t a believer, so I did it with the mentality of: I don’t know if God is real; I don’t think I believe in him, but since it seems that I’m about to die, why not give it a try ??? I prayed on my hospital bed, “Dear God, if you really exist, hear me out …. I want to live …. If that wish can be made possible, I’ll use the rest of my life to honor you…”

The end of the story is: I lived on, and I am praying on. Hallelujah Jesus is the best !!!!!!!!

High School Memories

Well, Well, well…UofM is on fall break, and yep, I did go back to Novi. I visited my high school this afternoon, and wow, it was an intriguing and amazing process…I not only re-connected with my teachers but the high school experience…A lot of memories flashed back…Below is a snippet of a conversation I had with the cutest teacher ever: Mrs. Rosen or Rosen Sensei.

“Wenyu San, wow, you are so pretty now!!! Before you were just cute (No sensei, but I’m still the cutest :P) …You also got taller…”

“Sensei, what does that even mean ??? Was I not pretty before ??”

“No before … when you were in 9th grade … when you were sick on a wheelchair, you were so little and fragile … Much has changed about you since you had gone to college…”

(So she brought back the memory of me being unable to walk 5 years ago, when I had to be pushed around on a wheelchair …)

“Mhm Sensei, I’m just glad that I’m no longer on a wheelchair. It feels amazing to be able-bodied. I am thankful for my current health conditions. Yes, I do have a weak immune system, but I am able to walk !! I can’t be happier..”

“Ah, Wenyu San, you not only got prettier and more open but more confident. YES, more confident !!”

“Oh sensei, you make me blush…Do you know why i seem healthier?? Thanks to my boyfriend, Tyler, that I am regularly working out with him. That really helped boost my immune system and overall health!”

“Eh..Tyler San? He’s Chinese???”

“No, Sensei, LOL, he’s American!!!!”

“Ahhh, I remember now..You did show me a photo of him…but I always thought you would get with a Chinese guy …”

“Sensei, to be honest yes, a lot of Chinese guys on campus like me…but I don’t like any one of them….before meeting Tyler, never had I even imagined myself being with a white guy … It just somehow happened… I don’t have a racial preference for any guy … It’s just that i’m a nerd, and Tyler’s an even bigger nerd, and he always gives me food, and he’s kind. The most important aspect is that he can cook !!!! ”

“Does he cook Chinese or American ??”

“He cooks American food!! He makes awesome pizza, casedilla, spaghetti and more !! I’m so happy to be eating up all his food for him !!!!”

“Ah, Wenyu San, so you have no preference…Wowww, I’m so happy for you!! You are reaching higher and higher !!! Who knows, you can even marry your boyfriend one day !!!!!!”

(Crap, what is an appropriate response to this statement…I can’t just say ‘aw sensei, you are married to a white guy also, how sweet, i hope my marriage turns out like yours $%^#%$^%^*^^ Since I don’t know what to say let me just ask her for a photo instead… )

“Sensei, can we get a selfie????”

“Selfie, you have selfie with you ??????”

“*AWWWW SENSEI’S SO KAWAII* No sensei, we take selfies with a camera LOL.”

” Ahhh Let me ask Stacey to take a photo of us … Stacey .. you know .. Ms. Shaefer …. She still remembers you …”

“Wait, but I was never in Spanish though … How does Ms. Shaefer know me ????”

“Remember when you were on a wheelchair … She once helped me wheel you to the elevator .. She kept the doors open and enabled me to wheel you in …”

“Wow … I feel honored to be remembered by her … It’s just so amazing that she can remember a girl whom she has directly met for only once… It was so nice of her to help me when I was disabled … I need to give her my dearest gratitude…”

……………………………I will keep to myself the rest of the sweet words I heard from Ms. Schaefer and Mrs. Rosen because …. the sweet words belong to me and only me …………..

A huge thank you to sensei for encouraging me and being by my side since 9th grade, and thanks for encouraging me even today and telling me that as long as I try my hardest, the results aren’t important. Thanks for your blessings too sensei <3 You are the cutest !!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to Ms. Schaefer for still remembering my face. I am very honored to have left you with a good (facial 😉 ) impression LOL.

 

 

You are Glorious !

Mhmm…so I know … I haven’t posted in a while…Calc 3 was stressing me out, and that was a part of my top priorities for the alst 2 weeks, but hey at least I’m done with it now, so yay !!

I had the fortune to attend Fall Retreat at Geneva Camp and returned back to Novi just now. Wow, this retreat was absolutely stunning !! 10/10 would do again if they have more food, jk, I would go again even if no food is provided. There is just something miraculous about seeing hundreds of people, whether old or young, submitting to the power of God’s. There is just something beautiful about seeing God coming to us, repenting our sins despite our sinful nature. There is just something adorable about being lent a sleeping bag when I forgot to bring bedding with me (eh…my clumsiness…..) There is just something sweet about getting waked up by my lovely sisters at camp (sorry for oversleeping and easily getting scared, but thanks for not waking me up in a frightening way !!)

I not only opened up to my pastor but to Jesus as well, and wow, there’s no better feeling than that !!!

God is glorious !! Our king is almighty !!!  img_6078 img_6079 img_6080

Love God, Love Life

Today was a beautiful day,not just because it’s a Sunday but because it really was a SUNday. The sun came out after many days of sun, and that I was shiny as well ☀☀☀. Today is lovely not just because of the weekly 11:11 service but also because I participated, for the first, time in Life Chain: a pro-life movement. I understand that my face is beautiful, but the images of babies are wayyyyy more pretty!! I held up a “every life matters” sign for the whole afternoon, and every single moment was worth it. Even though I and the rest of the pro-lifers got a plenty of middle fingers and “fuck you”s roared at us, the amount of love and adoration we received surpassed the hatred !!! I prayed for the haters and gave them A LOT of love!! All of the life chainers today knew and understand that one’s stance on abortion varies with individuals, and we respect that. We didn’t tell anyone “Oh my god. You are disgusting for killing babies,” but merely spread love by holding up signs and giving thumbs up to the cars passing by !! It’s so worth it to be loving life in this way !!!!! God is amazing !! Live is amazing !!img_6011